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September 15 Alcohol EffectI'm feeling a little dizzy now,when typing words into this page.
Beer is not a good thing, but sometimes it helps.
There is chinese saying goes as 'one confess when drunk.'
I don't know whether it is a correct translation,
i don't care.
The point is after u drinked u can no longer hiding your true feelings from yourself but take it out like a volcano explosion.
It is considered to be absurd when people drunk, but for some, it's never a matter of how others might think but a abreaction of suppressed feelings.
I aim't drunk, and i'm pretty clear-headed now.
Several cups of beer did help.
At least i could continue my blog after a moon of blank,
which is nonsense in my opinion though.
And it made me think.
Looking back to the two moon past, i came to a scared realization that i have accomplished nothing, neither in my study nor in my determination of working hard.
it is embarrassed to admit but it's all true.
for too long i had been putting myself into a depressed circumstances.
After moving out of the dormitory, getting campus card canceled, i suddently realized that i was in the middle of nowhere,
there was only one feeling in my heart, abandoned.
This kind of emotion was killing me,u know,
it's like a wounded wolf being excluded by the group, having no one to turn to, walking alone in the forest and struggling to fight against the wounded body and heart.
But wolf is wolf.
It managers to keep moving under any circumstance, even when wounded or when help is nowhere to find.
That's one of the resons i love wolves so much.
I will get used to the situation and gather my energy back for the pursuit of my own dream.
I am Lucky enough to have friends who are supportive and would get my feet back on the ground any time i was down.
They did and i know they will always do,
no matter close to me or thousands of miles away from me.
I appreciated that and it's always good to have friends. August 18 Do u mind if i smoke?I can hardly remember when i begin to smoke.
Not seems too long ago, i guess.
Some people dislike smoking, especially girls.
'Never ever smoke in front of girls', a friend once suggested.
But i don't buy it too much.
Whatever they think.
Frankly, i don't like smoking, either.
Hate it, more exactly.
Smoking should have been the last thing i want to do,
'cause i know better than any one else that smoking will slowly and certainly affect my thew,
and kill my gifted motor nerve, which i have been always proud of.
Bad thing.
Why do u smoke if u hate it?
Yeah, that's a good question.
I smoke only because i hate it.
Weird,ha. But it's true.
Sometimes we just have to do things we don't like.
We don't like eat the foods in the campus refectory, but our stomaches must bear them anyway.
We struggle to leave our beds in the early morning, still work have to be got done.
We unwilling to do any more study, jet we have no choice but stay in school.
We feel upset about leaving friends, but all good things must come to an end.
We never want to see lovers turning apart, but that is the true life we can not change.
We hate smoking, but we just smoke.
Smoking became some kind of reminder to me that life is full of tough things,
if i can not change them, i accept them, get used to them, and then turn them into parts of my life.
Once i saw a signature saying,
i write your name on a cigarette and inhale it into my lung.
Well, that's a good one.
But i'd rather write down 'annoyance', 'failure', 'loneliness', and words like that,
burn them, turn them into smoke, and let them dissipate to the air.
However, i don't really think smoking is an good idea.
I hate that god damn smell.
Technically i don't really smoke.
I don't inhale the smoke into my lung but only let it remain in the mouth and then exhale it.
Anyway, i have no willing to allow cigarettes to destroy my health.
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